Steamed Cod With Asparagus and Prosciutto in Lemon Butter in Parchment Wrapping

Yeah, yeah, I hear you saying, "Holy shit. There's no way I'm going to make something that sounds that fuckin' complicated."

Well, guess what, you silly ass you, that's pretty much everything right there! This one is waaaaaay easier than it sounds. Put a bunch of stuff in a bag and then shove it in the oven, and then guess what? It's all done! I promise it's easy and I promise it's delicious and if you do it right, it can even be...gasp...HEALTHY! That's right, I said it, bizatch. Healthy.

A small note for buying fresh fish: if it smells strongly of, well, stinky old fish, then do NOT buy it. Fresh fish, as you've probably heard a billion times from the damn Food Network (which I love), does not smell like ass. It should smell fresh and not stinky whatsoever, kind of like a light smell of the sea.

Fresh Cod Fillets about 4 - 6 oz. (Each fillet is for each person eating. 4 - 6 oz. is a perfect size. You should be able to get this at the fish counter at the grocery. If they don't have fresh cod, you better try going to a grocery that doesn't suck.)

Lemon Zest from one or two lemons (more fish, more zest!!!)

Garlic

Butter

Salt and Pepper

Thyme (fresh or dry, fresh tastes livelier)

Any other herbs you'd like too!

Asparagus

Sliced prosciutto

Parchment paper (you can get this at all big groceries)

Start this recipe by putting some asparagus in boiling water. Boil it very lightly, a few minutes will be fine -- you'll be cooking it again so make sure its still really crisp when you take it out. It can sit aside -- let it drain on some paper towels. If you're really paranoid that the spears will continue cooking, you might want to give it a quick ice bath before letting the asparagus drain on the paper towels.

Preheat your oven to 500° F. Yes, you heard me right. 500° F. I'm serious! Go do it!

Now melt some butter in a saucepan (I'd say about quarter of a stick in a pan for every four fillets, but that's a rough guess), and toss in a clove or two of minced garlic, the lemon zest, the thyme and any other herbs you have on hand, the salt and pepper, and let it all kind of sit together on medium-low heat. Don't let it burn. Just let the flavors mix and leach out into the butter. Remove the saucepan from heat and let it relax for a bit off to the side now.

Here's the fun (or shitty) part. Pull out equal measures of parchment paper per piece of fish and lightly spread olive oil on each piece where the fish will be sitting. The parchment can be big, but don't make them gigantic. Enough to wrap up the cod like it was a small gift, let's say. A gift that won't be returned to you because it's so goddamn delicious.

Salt and pepper each fillet of cod gently -- not too much, remember that there's salt and pepper in your lemon herb-butter mixture already. Spoon a generous amount of lemon herb-butter onto each fillet sitting on the parchment paper, spread it over the fish. Place a few prosciutto pieces on top of the cod, and add the asparagus on top. Arrange this attractively because this is what the guests will see when they tear into this shit.

Here's my personal side note about the prosciutto in the bag -- last time I made this recipe the prosciutto kinda got gross in the bag being steamed with the fish. The texture got a bit weird, rubbery, and dry, so be careful. I would recommend trying the recipe once with the prosciutto in the bag (it's not horrible, trust me -- it just turns into cooked ham, but its just not the same as fresh prosciutto). If you don't like the texture, you can open the bag before serving and add fresh prosciutto as a garnish the second time you make this.

Anyway, you can wrap the package any way you'd like using the parchment paper. You can make it fancy, with cooking twine on top, or you can make it shitty, like me, because I'm a goddamned fumble fingers. I used staples (don't laugh! that's actually acceptable as long as all your stuff isn't oozing out! It didn't look sexy but nobody complained as they were eating it.)

Toss the neat little packages onto a cookie sheet, and throw it into the oven for about 12 minutes. It cooks fast so do NOT run away.

You can let your guests open the bags at the dinner table and they will be amazed at the gift inside. Well, amazed might not be the right word for it, but you'll really be proud of yourself for this one. It's light, delicious, fun, and again, you like like a kitchen superstar. Go fix yourself a celebratory drink. No, seriously. And fix me one too while you're at it.