My Variation on Creme Brulee

5 Egg Yolks (add more for extra rich flavor -- remember richer means heavier though)

1 1/2 cups of heavy cream (2 cups if you want thinner custard)

1/2 cup sugar (and keep some extra for the crust later)

1/2 to 1 Vanilla Bean cut lengthwise

Zest from one lemon

Raspberries

Splash Grand Marnier or Cointreau

Preheat oven to 325°F. If you've got a slow oven like mine, remember to turn the goddamn thing on beforehand otherwise this'll take forever.

Scrape the insides of the vanilla bean into the cream, toss the whole bean pod in while you're at it, and let it simmer over low heat. Those little brown dots are actually vanilla seeds and they all taste totally awesome, so don't lose any. And a single bean costs a full left nut (testicle) so don't waste that shit. Also toss the lemon zest into the cream. You can let this sit for a while to get the full effect of the vanilla and lemon flavor. Try not to let it boil over, otherwise you'll have a giant mess on your hands, and that's never good.

In the meantime beat the yolks and sugar together in a bowl and set it on top of a simmering double boiler, and keep whisking the fucker till the egg mixture turns to a pale yellow color. Remember to whisk constantly otherwise you'll scramble the eggs. Takes about three to five minutes. Take it off the heat but don't let it sit for too long. You want it to stay relatively hot.

Strain out the vanilla bean pod and the lemon zest through a strainer. Now start pouring the vanilla cream mixture very slowly into the egg mixture, whisking the whole time. You've got to add a little at a time -- if you add too much cream at once you'll scramble the eggs so watch it. You'll cry if you ruin it, so be careful, you ass. Once you've added in over half you can go faster because the eggs have been brought up to temperature.

If you're feeling really picky, or if you have a hot date (followed by some seriously hot sex), you can strain the rest of this mixture through a fine sieve to get out any miscellaneous boogerish egg solids that people get grossed out about. I could care less, myself. I haven't noticed any solids yet after making creme brulee but if you're a perfectionist, then you might want to consider this.

Take out six ramekins or custard cups and put some raspberries into the bottom of each one. Ladle the hot golden sweet eggy liquid into each cup, distributing evenly.

Put the ramekins into a 13 x 9 pan and put it in the oven. Fill the pan to about halfway up the sides of the custard cups with hot water (it can be hot water from the tap, not boiling) from a tea kettle or big pot. Let the custard bake for like 35 minutes or so. You'll know if its done if you pull the custard out of the oven and they jiggle slightly in the center. Cover them with plastic wrap and let them chill in the fridge for at least a few hours (till they are pretty cold). Overnight is preferable.

Right before you serve this, toss a few raspberries with some granulated sugar and a splash of Grand Marnier. This'll add a slightly orange flavor to the berries. Delicious.

Add about a teaspoon or two of extra sugar on top of the custards and sprinkle evenly. Torch the tops of the cute little custard cups till they get that nice brown crust, but if you burn it you'll be sad. Deep brown is good, black will taste gross.

If you don't have a creme brulee torch, like most normal people, just use the broiler on your oven on high. You will need to keep a VERY close eye on the sugar to make sure it does not burn. Don't go anywhere while you're doing this.

No matter how you set the upper crust, don't burn the goddamn sugar, otherwise you'll have ruined the whole thing. Add a few of the tossed berries on top of the custard, maybe a mint leaf if you're feeling spicy (just for looks), and voila. Eat away immediately. This is some majorly good shit.