A Fuckin' Incredible Twist on Eggs Benedict

I have to admit it -- I'm not a sweet breakfast food kind of fellow. I like savory, rich food, even at breakfast. Eggs Benedict is one of my favorite breakfast plates; it's got eggs, canadian bacon (or ham), and hollandaise, what's not to like? Being the crazy fucker I am, I've come up with an even more rich version of this breakfast standard.

Two small andthin Brioche slices, toasted

Smoked Salmon, two long and thin strips per slice of Brioche

Poached Eggs

Hollandaise Sauce

Fresh Dill, Chives, Capers, or Salmon Caviar (or a combination of whichever you like better. Capers can be strong so be wary.)

Start building this on your plate with a piece of toasted brioche. Place two of the thin pieces of smoked salmon in an X shape over the brioche, and place the poached egg carefully on the center of the X. Wrap the smoked salmon around the poached egg to create a small cute bundle of egg and salmon. Yes, I said cute. Yes, I'm straight. No, I'm not kidding. People do wonder sometimes...the mystery remains...

Pour a small amount of hollandaise over the little bundle and top with fresh dill, capers, or caviar. If you're feeling really sneaky, try topping the whole thing with a small spot of creme fraiche mixed with a bit of lemon juice. Garnish with the remainder of herbs on the side. If you're feeling even sneakier, sprinkle a small amount of smoked paprika on top.

Now I know -- like a bastard, I haven't explained how to make hollandaise, but you can find directions in almost any standard cookbook. It's not the easiest thing to make, but it's not the hardest thing to make either. It is a bit time consuming and labor intensive, but the effort is well worth it, you lazy ass. And don't get pre-made hollandaise either or I will have to kick your ass so badly you won't be able to walk right for a week.

I'll put the recipe up for hollandaise...someday.